


Wake Me Up When It's All Over

by Zippit



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen, Leia knows everything, M/M, Oblivious!Han, Oblivious!Luke, Unresolved Feelings, light Han/Leia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 04:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10802025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zippit/pseuds/Zippit
Summary: Han's never been very good at understanding his feelings. It's always easier for him to do and when it comes to Luke, he holds true to form (or 5 Times Han wanted more from Luke and didn't know how to get it).





	Wake Me Up When It's All Over

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Orockthro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orockthro/gifts).



> Hah, oh man, writing in this fandom is a bit terrifying. It's so well loved.
> 
> Written for Orockthro for the 2017 fandom5k challenge. Thank you for a chance to write in Star Wars fandom. Your prompts were amazing and I still wish I had time to write for your other Star Wars prompt. Maybe I will at a later point. I hope I managed to capture some of what you wanted and I hope you enjoy!

_One._

Han tries to appear focused on the celebration in front of them. Half the Rebellion pilots are awkwardly dancing with their furry hosts still dressed in their flight uniforms, helmets tucked under their arms, because that clarion call of danger wasn’t fully out of their systems. Maybe it was the adrenaline or maybe Han was getting fucking maudlin while he sat here. It’s a victory. He should be just as happy about things as they were. So why’s he fretting?

Chewie had even palmed the back of his head and told him to crack a smile. Because the other furless cub he’d been looking after would come back in one piece like he had all those times before. Han had rolled his eyes at him and gone in search of some brew to pour down his throat. That search had been in vain. The closest thing the furballs had to alcohol was a sweet cloying honey mead that Han could only stomach a few sips of before he’d shoved the wooden cup in someone else’s hands. It’d been that or gag on the overly flowery taste of it. Leia had frowned at him with her eyes while playing nice with the rest of them.

Han had disappeared out onto the walkways then. At least there he could enjoy the atmosphere without stepping a foot wrong or having someone ask him questions that he didn’t know how to answer. It was where he was now but it’d done little to dispel the caged energy trapped under his skin. The smell of burning wood, full of sharp pine and the dry crackle of leaves, only makes him wonder what stopped the rest of the forest from going up around them if some idiot rebel kicked over a fire and tossed a lantern in the wrong direction. Han shakes his head and wanders further up the interconnected pathways circling one enormous tree trunk to another.

He could lie to himself and say that he’s antsy because the action’s over and he’s still riding the adrenaline high. That he’s itching for the next thing because boredom isn’t something Han Solo does well. But he knows it isn’t. Chewie knows it isn’t. Leia would probably call him on it too if she wasn’t too busy paying the politician. He wanders farther from the crowd of people, deeper into the darkness draping the upper canopies and further reaches of the forest village they’ve been welcomed into. He’s worried about the kid. Worried in a way he hasn’t been since he was tripped into rescuing a princess by the bright blue gaze of an innocent farm boy.

Luke had disappeared without a word to anyone and, in the three years he’d been buried in carbonite, Han still couldn’t understand the changes that had brought in Luke. The innocent farm boy had been replaced by a remote stranger that Han was still trying to figure out. Every chance he’d had to sit down and puzzle this new Luke out had been cut short by some emergency or Luke running off into some harebrained scheme on his own. Where did the kid think he got off on thinking he didn’t need anyone watching his back?

He stops in the middle of the pathway between two trees, leaning out to look into the dark woods teeming with the normal sounds of wildlife. He taps his closed fist against the gnarled wooden railing and scowls. Kid, you better make it back in one piece or help him. Leia would have his ass and Han would be looking to dismantle every single Empire ship from here til he found Luke.

For a self proclaimed scoundrel, he was too damned invested in this rebellion and the unintentional leaders of it.

He lets himself sit in the darkness and wonder where the hell the guiding principles of his life had flown off to. One encounter with a fair haired farm boy off the backwoods planet of Tatooine shouldn’t have driven him this far out of his comfort zone and into something he’d sworn off from the moment he turned sixteen.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been but the darkness has deepened. Han can barely see more than fifty feet into the woods when before it was closer to a hundred. Soft footsteps dip the planks of the bridge and he turns to see Leia coming toward him. She gives him a look.

“What’re you doing out here?”

“Thinking.”

“Oh yeah?”

There’s laughter in her voice as she wraps an arm over his shoulders and he lets himself be drawn down into a kiss. He rolls his eyes at her.

“Done playing politics?”

She frowns at him. They both know she’ll never be done with that. The Rebellion had been gaining favor with planets across the systems with each day and with the second Death Star blown out of the sky that would only continue. Probably at a faster pace. Leia had been the clarion call and the figurehead for a lot of it. There would be no stopping once they returned to space and the business of reuniting fractured worlds. Han wasn’t stupid no matter how he came off to other people.

Both Leia and Luke had seen that straight away. Han rolls his eyes at himself. What was it with him right now?

“Come back to the party. People are starting to wonder where you are.”

He opens his mouth to say something but then shrugs instead. “Lead the way.”

They make their way back and he’s welcomed back into the festivities like nothing had happened. Han plasters a smile on his face and watches the weird little jig the furballs are trying to teach to some of the pilots. Their hooting calls and the genuine laughter and rolling talk settle him somewhat. But he’s still waiting. Still waiting for someone to make their damn appearance so he can go back to pretending they hadn’t done anything that momentous. 

When Luke joins them, finally, striding up one of the lower pathways like he’d been taking care of a simple errand, the low level worry that’s been plaguing Han since the Death Star exploded in the starry sky overhead subsides. It wasn’t anything. 

Clearly. 

The kid was fine. Like always. Leia’s all too certain declaration of it should’ve only reinforced that feeling. Things were going to go on just like they had before. He and Leia were good and Luke was no longer competition. Then why did he feel jealous when he watched Leia practically jump into Luke’s arms and hug him tight. She’d already made her choice and he couldn’t begrudge her for finding more family when her whole planet had been blasted from the sky. He wouldn’t dream of taking that from Luke either. The kid had lost just as much Leia in that regard.

It surprises him when Luke comes for him next, tugging him into as hard a hug as he’d given Leia. He grabs Luke by the shoulders to get a good look at him. Safe and whole and really that should be enough right? They’re grinning at each other and it’s a long moment before he lets Luke go. He wants to ask him questions. He wants to know why he disappeared. But before he can Luke’s being pulled past him into a group of well wishers and furballs. Han stares after him. Couldn’t he just have a few moments? Was that too much to ask?

Then Leia’s back against his side, a knowing look in her eyes, and Han shakes it off. He’s got better things to worry about than some errant Jedi with a penchant for wearing black.

* * *

_Two._

It’s three weeks later and Luke hasn’t stayed in the same stretch of space for more than two days straight. It’s driving Han up the wall and he’s driving Leia up the wall. There’s been more knock out drag out yelling matches between them than there had been in the middle of freezing cold Hoth.

Both of them had been pulled in a million different directions after they’d left Endor. Leia to do the biding of the upper echelons of the Rebellion and Luke to do…whatever it was he was doing. Something to do with the Force no doubt. Neither of them had much time to spare for Han. The Rebellion didn’t have much of an idea what to do with Han either. There was still fighting to be done but nothing big enough to commit the fleet’s fastest ship or one of its highest profile names. Leia had said she’d needed him with her to give her some additional clout when she met with planetary emissaries.

Han thought she just wanted to keep him out of trouble. He found plenty on his own within the ranks as it was. Chewie’d already dragged him out of one too many drunken fights, thrown him into his quarters on the Falcon, and stood guard outside the door. Unwilling to let him out until he sobered up and stopped making an idiot out of himself and everything he’d done.

Maybe he wasn’t dealing too well with not living out of Luke and Leia’s pockets. Maybe he missed knowing where they were and what they were doing at all times. Maybe he was being an idiot. He was going stir crazy that’s what. Leia needed to send him on a mission. The Rebellion needed to do something with him before he burned something down around them.

He might not have the Force flowing through his veins like Leia, like Luke, but he could be useful. He couldn’t sit here on his hands doing nothing. He’s made up his mind. He’s going to talk to Leia about making him something more than the ornamental lap dog when Chewie boards the Falcon with a rumbling growl of excitement.

“What’s got your fur all in a bunch?”

“The cub is back.”

“Luke? How long?”

Chewie shrugs and points a furred finger at him. “Go welcome him home. And stay out of trouble!”

Han shoots him a grin. “Hey, if Luke can’t keep me out of trouble than something is seriously wrong with the universe.”

He thinks Chewie forgets who exactly dragged them into the middle of this Rebellion in the first place. It hadn’t been Han. And if Luke was getting into trouble right alongside him he wouldn’t get that exasperated sigh from Leia or the disapproving crossed arms from Chewie. He was a grown man. He could get into whatever trouble he wanted to.

* * *

_Three._

“Hey, kid, next time remind me to not follow you on one of your bantha cursed missions!”

“That’s what you said the last time.”

“I mean it this time!”

“You said that last time too.”

Han reaches out and smacks Luke in the shoulder before having to grab at the thermal insulated winter coat to haul him back tight against him. He mutters under his breath about Force curses and stupid Skywalkers and idiot farm boys who should know better now as supposed Jedi Masters.

Luke laughs into his chest and Han’s distracted by the way Luke feels against him. Even through two layers of thermal winter coats and the danger at their backs, his heart’s beating faster for a different reason. Luke looks up at him with a curious expression. The snow drifting across his face makes Han’s insides do a funny flip flop and Luke opens his mouth to say something before his head whips to look over Han’s shoulder. He disentangles himself gently, facing the wrong direction, and Han’s ready to bitch about it when Luke spins around alarm on his face. It’s been a long time since he’s seen actual panic grace those features.

“We need to move. Find shelter. They’re better adapted to the cold and this environment than we are.”

They’d left the small scout ship several miles in the opposite direction. The “hot on their trail” didn’t need to be said. It never failed that Luke would lead him into some sort of chaos no matter how innocent the mission was supposed to be.

“Lead the way.” Han motions Luke forward and gets a roll of the eyes as his reward.

“Actually you should. I’ll be able to make sure nothing happens to you. I can’t if you’re behind me.”

Han squints at Luke. It’s still unsettling what he can now do with the Force. The breeze cuts deeper into his skin and he grumbles as he moves forward. The ledge they’re edging along on is wider here at least than it had been. There’s that. Here’s hoping this room to manuever holds up long enough for them to get out of sight.

It’s quiet except for the howling wind and the pant of their breath. It freezes into the air in front of him and Han’s reminded of another planet and another time.

“If you’re trying to get me to relive that miserable night out on Hoth when I rescued your sorry backside, I really didn’t need the reminder.”

That startles a laugh out of Luke behind him and a hand clasps his shoulder. It squeezes and damn everything, if they were anywhere else he’d finally have that damn conversation he’s been avoiding for too long.

“Not at all.”

“What the hell are we after out here again?”

Luke sighs but it’s the fond exasperated one he hears all the time. He doesn’t get yelling or fiery passion from Luke. He gets quiet calm and eerie peace that Han would do anything to disturb. If only to get a glimpse of that boy he used to know all those moons ago.

“Just some old Jedi legends, possibly resources to rebuild the Order.”

If he didn’t know how serious Luke was about that and how he was already a living legend, he’d be even more pissed about this whole situation.

“You know, my life was a whole lot simpler before I met you.”

Luke laughs again. The sound warms Han more than a fire would, not that he’d turn that down either. The path finally widens enough that Luke comes up to walk at his shoulder. Han cuts his eyes sideways and wonders what the world looks like to Luke. What it means to carry the final words of a long forgotten Order on his shoulders and everyone walking around treating him like some kind of god. Well, it doesn’t matter to him. He just wants that kid buried inside the black robes and serene smile to remember where he came from. Han will do anything to make sure that happens. 

He slings his arm over Luke’s shoulders and pulls him in against him. Luke shots him a glance but doesn’t pull away. Content to let it lie. Like he’s been content to let a whole lot of other things lie. Han would give a million credits to hear the endless questions Luke used to have. Wanting to know the whys and hows and everything in between. He keeps his own counsel now and doesn’t talk about things like he used to. He can’t read him as well as he used to either. Leia’s still an open book to him, still familiar and worn, and incandescent. Luke’s opaque and as hard to get a grasp on as the thickest fog in the marshlands of Corellia or the galaxies streaking past while they’re in hyperspace.

Han should examine why he’s as comfortable doing this with Luke as he would be Leia. Why it feels as natural as breathing and makes the restless, constant itch to prove himself slip away into nothingness. They’re tuned enough into each other that deciding which way to maneuver around a larger rock outcropping or the snow covered tumbles of trees isn’t even voiced. It simply happens. They’re both lost in their own thoughts, but Han catches himself staring at Luke more than he wants to admit. Every time he catches himself he quickly glances off to the side. 

It’s on one of these moments wrenching his gaze away that he spots it. They almost miss the yawning maw of the cave. It blends perfectly into the rock face, hidden in the shadows behind a large jut of the mountain. He jerks them both to a stop when the darkness resolves into something deeper the harder Han stares at it. He nods his head at it and Luke closes his eyes.

Han doesn’t know how Luke would describe his Force abilities. If they’re like senses, if they’re like something out of an old holo, or something that can’t even be put into words. He’ll learn in time. He’ll make time to learn it. Right now all he sees is Luke concentrating with his eyes closed. Nothing out of the ordindary. Just Luke. Isn’t that the biggest lie in the galaxy. 

Just a man. Just a pilot. Just an innocent farm boy who didn’t know what he was getting into.

He watches Luke come back into himself. It’s quick, but it’s like watching Luke slip on his body like he’d slip on a shirt. Han arches an eyebrow at the fire that blazes from those blue eyes. Luke licks his lips while his eyes rapidly scan the darkness. What he sees is anybody’s guess because it’s still as pitch dark as it was a moment before. Han squeezes his shoulder impatiently when Luke shows no signs of letting him in on the secret.

“So, c’mon, kid, spill. What’s got you so twisted up?”

The limitless blaze of galaxies fades from his eyes and he smiles. “More than I ever expected to find here.”

He starts toward the cave, hand sliding down Han’s arm to wind through his hand. He’s got to be kidding. No light, no idea what they’d even encounter, no exits. Luke stops at the furthest stretch of their linked hands, frowning back at Han’s unmoving form.

“What? Are you crazy? What about our pursuers?”

“They gave up half a mile ago. They didn’t want to brave the elements.”

“Then they’re smarter than us! And you’re only now just telling me this?!”

Han gets that sigh again. The one where Luke thinks he’s being difficult just to be difficult. He’s at least familiar with this one. There’s a flicker of disappointment at the corner of Luke’s mouth before it disappears.

“You don’t have to come in far with me. Stay at the cave entrance and I’ll come back to you.”

“Are you kidding me? Chewie and Leia would murder me if they found out I did that. No, you’re stuck with me until you come to your senses and we head back to the ship.”

Luke shakes his head but tugs on his hand anyway. Han trails after him, their hands still linked, and keeps a wary eye on the walls. He wants to voice the question buzzing in his head about how they’re even going to get anywhere without killing themselves. It’s not exactly light instead the cave and Luke’s lightsaber was just as likely to kill them as provide a steady source of illumination. Luke pulls out a flashlight from an inner pocket of his coat and oh yeah, Han forgot these coats could pack a lot of supplies. He pulls out his own and lets the beam join Luke’s.

A few minutes later Luke comes to a stop in a sheltered alcove and glances around. It’s far enough inside they’re provided shelter from the elements but not too far they wouldn’t be able to hear someone coming. He looks at Han, who’s cold and tired and wondering why he gets himself into situations like these. He shrugs in response.

The night in the cave is like and nothing like that hell blasted night on Hoth. For one, they’re both conscious. For another, they don’t reek of Tauntaun guts and they actually have a fire. There isn’t much talking. Luke’s too wrapped up in whatever mystical Jedi thing that’s called him here and Han? Well Han’s lost inside his own head, with nothing to do but think, and stare at Luke. He should start a number of those conversations he’s always been meaning to have with Luke. He should ask all those questions that he’s never had the right opportunity to bring up. He should do a number of things. They wind up listening to fire crackle and the wind howling through the cave’s twists and turns until they turn in for the night, curling up together for the additional warmth.

The next morning they wander deeper into the cave because isn’t that the whole point of their being here? Han’s already had too much time to think and now is no better. Too much time to stare at Luke’s shoulders and the floppy mess of hair that despite repeated haircuts never ever stays neat.

He notices the ominous creaking before Luke, flicking his light overhead briefly. Or maybe it’s the too careful attention he has to pay to where they’re going. Luke’s ducking and weaving his way through every obstacle in their path like he has a lighted map glued to the inside of his head. Han wouldn’t put it past him. If he asked Luke how he was doing it, his answer would be something like the Force imbues every thing in the world. Han would roll his eyes at him.

Luke had tested him for Force sensitivity out of curiosity. The Jedi hadn’t been seen in decades and there were likely more untapped potentials like Luke hiding out. All those lucky scrapes, all those split second calls, had it all been good luck or something else at play? Well, Han was just a lucky bastard because he’d been so Force null Luke had winced. He’d covered the flustered unnamed whatever eating at his insides with harsh statements about how he’d gotten along just fine without the Force up until now and he would continue on doing so. Luke had simply smiled that serene smile at him. Han had wanted to punch it off his face.

That connection should have Luke as on edge as Han but he’s the only one with a hand braced against the rocky wall. He glances up into the darkness again. Their lights don’t illuminate very far. Just enough for them to see a few feet in front and around them. Luke had already squeezed past a tight set of stalagmites that Han knew he would catch on his coat and gloves. The darkness was growing between them, Luke too distracted with whatever was calling to him through the Force to pay attention. He simply trusted that Han could keep up and protect their asses.

Han hurries to catch up. The less distance between them the better. For one thing, Han had no idea how to get back out of this mountain and Leia would have his hide for letting Luke get himself hurt on his watch.

“Hey, Luke, wait up.”

He grunts in annoyance when Luke doesn’t even look back. When they’re safe back on their damn ship and headed into hyperspace, he’s going to have a talk with Luke. Or get Chewie to look into some trackers to hide in Luke’s robes. Getting lost in his own head was well and good when he was among friends. Not out here in the dark of a cave they know nothing about.

He’s finally twisted himself through the tight stalagmite formation and he’s nearly caught up to Luke when he trips over a puddle, wincing when the hard rock and sharp edges dig into the parts of his body not protected by his thick clothing. He swears under his breath. The next time he gets bored he’ll just stick to causing trouble on whatever world Alliance leadership sends him to. Following Luke around was more dangerous than it had any right to be. 

He manages to take another few steps before the wall shudders again. Seriously, Luke had to be aware of that. Han looks up to see Luke still walking, oblivious with his head in the stars like always. There’s a louder ominous groan and creak and Han doesn’t think. He throws himself forward to shove Luke ahead of him.

“Move, move! It’s caving in on us!”

Luke’s sluggish. Confusion in his eyes as he looks at Han. He growls and fists his hand in Luke’s coat front, dragging him along as fast as he can. There’s no damn way they’re getting crushed under a pile of rock. Luke’s a dead weight, not helping him navigate, stumbling against invisible edges and ridges. The kid hasn’t been this awkward since he first picked him up. Han doesn’t know how long they have but if the rocks are coming from overhead like he thinks they don’t have nearly enough time.

But what happens next isn’t rocks coming from the ceiling, it’s the floor giving way beneath them. His stomach drops away like he’s pulled the Falcon out of hyperspace on a dime. The hard smack into the stone even feels like being slammed back into his seat. The air gets punched out of his chest as he instinctively wraps his arms around Luke. His additional weight is going to leave reminders on his ribs for weeks to come. Han needs to keep him close. He needs to keep Luke alive. It’s the only way both of them are getting out of this. 

The wind’s rushing past them in a mindless roar and they’re careening off obstacles he can’t even see until they’re slamming into them. It’s one painful grunt after another as he watches the blue of Luke’s eyes clear then he reaches out. Their descent quickly slows to something less bone jarring and less likely to end with them dead at the end of it.

He buries his face in the collar of Luke’s coat and mutters, “Tell me when we’re off this hell ride.”

Luke doesn’t answer him. He curls his hand, the synth one, over the arm Han has wrapped around Luke’s waist. That’s something at least. It feels like forever before they’ve stopped moving completely and Han dares to lift his face from the coarse furred coat. He glances back up and up and up the way they came as they unbend from their crouched position to stand. He realizes he’s still gripping Luke and drops his arm like he’s been scalded. He catches the curious Luke shoots him before it’s hidden behind serene calm again. That sets something off in Han. Nothing, nothing at all, gets to the pristine Jedi prince. A lot of things changed while he was forcibly pulled out of the world, Luke the most of all.

It’s not rational. He didn’t need to be there for it as he could obviously see. But he wanted to have been. He wanted to have seen the changes being wrought in Luke and maybe put a stop to some of them. He’s still close with him and Leia but there’s a wall where there wasn’t before. A wall built of experiences Han wasn’t around to share in or stories he only gets to hear secondhand instead of actively a part of.

And sure, maybe being with Leia would’ve blinded him to everything anyway. That latent lingering jealousy and uncertainty about his place in her world or in Luke’s for that matter. They were both growing away from him, growing into the lives the universe had prepared for them. Gods, Han hated that. And it spills over in ways he doesn’t intend it to.

“What the hell did you get me into, kid? This stupid Force thing is going to your head and making you stupid. We could’ve been killed down here! Our bodies left to rot for some stupid Jedi thing that probably doesn’t even exist anymore!”

Han gets up in Luke’s face, jabbing a finger into his chest, voice rising as the adrenaline gets to him and his temper frays completely.

“What good’s it going to do the Alliance, Leia, if we die down here chasing a fable? A dream that doesn’t exist, huh? Are they that much more important than routing out the remnants of the Empire and making sure they don’t make a reappearance?”

Han reaches out and curls his hands tight around Luke’s shoulders then, shaking him slightly.

“Don’t you understand?”

Luke meets his gaze wide eyed, confused, but still serene under it all. Still holding onto that Jedi calm and Han pulls him close, tilts his chin up, and kisses him. It’s a hard brush of lips against lips. Han wants to prove a point. He’s not sure what that point is but he knows he’ll get to it eventually. It’s a long slow moment before Luke ditches the surprise and leans into the kiss. Those lips part under his and Han doesn’t waste a moment. He thumbs the corner of Luke’s jaw, teasing his mouth open further as he explores. He chases the twin tastes of kaf and the sweet fruit Luke had packed into their rations. He chases the warmth of familiarity and eagerness he knows is buried under there.

His hands slide down to unbutton the front of Luke’s coat, pushing aside the material to get his hands inside and tug slim hips closer to him. They’ve huddled for warmth. They’ve stripped out of disguises to use the nearest shower with barely a glance at each other. They’ve seen each other naked plenty of times but this is different. This is deliberate. This is with intent. And how Han didn’t know this is what was driving him up the wall when Luke went away, when he was so different than the kid he remembered, he doesn’t know.

This isn’t honestly the time or place to come to these realizations or even be grasping at the possibility of something more. He’s got Leia to consider. They need to get back to their ship and off this forsaken planet and that’s probably on Luke’s mind as he makes a move to pull from his embrace and Han only pulls him tighter against him. He uses his teeth to tug at Luke’s lower lip and smirks at the low moan that gets him.

When he’s pretty sure Luke’s not thinking about anything but his hands and his mouth, Han puts a small amount of space between them. Still breathing the same air but enough to get a look into Luke’s blue eyes. They’re blown wide and focused entirely on him. No Jedi distance, no serenity, nothing but naked emotion. Luke licks his lips and Han could easily dive back in for another kiss.

“W-what was that?”

“When we get out of this cave and back to the ship, you and me, kid, we’re going to have a long talk.”

Luke shakes his head and immediately the calm creeps over his features again. A quizzical arch of an eyebrow as Luke steps back from him then buttons up his coat again. He purses his lips then comes to a decision.

“It’s not much farther,” Luke says as he turns on his heel and disappears into the darkness. They’d lost their lights on the trip down and now the only thing illuminating the way was the strange glow Luke pulled to him from the ambiance of the walls. Or maybe the walls were already glowing. More Jedi tricks. Han sighed and followed.

He wasn’t sure but he had a feeling his window of opportunity to get that innocent farm boy back was closing rapidly.

* * *

_Four._

They’d made it back topside with only a few more scratches, a cracked bundle of old texts, and a shard of glowing crystal. Luke had stared at the small temple they’d found in wide eyed awe before it disappeared behind solemnity. Even Han, as Force-null as he was, had sensed that in this place even his usual attitude needed to be shelved. He’d stayed near the entrance while Luke had wandered in and out of the few rooms. Whatever kind of temple it had been it hadn’t been built for many people. A temple of one if he’d ever seen one, or maybe a temple for a few. It made the hair rise on the back of his neck.

The winding path out had shown them their little friends had been the ones to send them on their downward descent. There was a whole camp stretched across the lower mountainside. Han had made out various bits and pieces of equipment for mining and likely a whole host of explosives. That was just great. They’d stumbled upon some illegal profiteering and been chased for their troubles.

Luke threw him a rueful smile as they’d edged their way down the mountainside. This time with the cover of trees and no howling snow blowing in their faces. The moment they’d stepped foot instead the scout ship Luke had made for the cockpit and engaged the cloaking system. Probably with an added layer of Force protections.

Now they were stuck here waiting til it got dark enough for them to attempt to fly off. Han had rolled his eyes when Luke had said they should wait til dark.

“You have a weird way of taking time off, Luke.”

“And you’re running from things.”

He’d stomped off to the tiny living quarters to rinse off the grime of their underground adventure. Up here in the daylight, in the bright lights of the ship, and the lives they led, he could almost pretend that everything that happened underground had been a fever addled dream. Why would he do that? Why would he kiss Luke when he was perfectly content with Leia?

It wasn’t more than a few minutes before he stalked back out in clean clothes in search of Luke. He found him leaned back in the pilot’s chair with his hands linked behind his head. How many times had Han seen this on the Falcon? Relaxed and content, Luke just staring out the view screen at the stars and everything in between. The kid had always wanted to see more of the universe.

Han clears his throat. Luke looks back up at him with a smile, open and earnest. Han drops into the sit next to him and watches the triple suns of the planet bathe the scraggly trees in their combined lavender light.

“Listen, about earlier, I’m not running from anything.”

Luke drops his arms and picks at the edges of the armrests before he levels Han with a look. Han has no idea what Luke’s thinking, much less what he sees when he looks at Han nowadays.

“Han, are you okay? Really okay? You haven’t been yourself since Endor.”

Since they took down that second Death Star. Since he found out that Luke and Leia were twins. Since Luke was no longer the Luke he’d known.

“I could say the same for you. What’s got you chasing after fairy tales?”

Han folds his arms across his chest and holds Luke’s gaze until he drops it. There’s more to Luke’s side of the battle of Endor and Han knows it. Luke had told him and Leia some of it. But not all. Secrets were a thing Luke traded in nowadays.

“Talk to me,” Han says softly and reaches out to place a hand on Luke’s knee. There’s more than chasing fairy tales they need to talk about but that can come later. There’s something bigger going on here.

Luke stares at Han’s hand on his knee. He clears his throat. His synth hand clenches until Han swears he hears it creak the worn leather armrest. A slow breath then another and that hand relaxes, drops into Luke’s lap.

“I faced down the Emperor. He wanted to turn me.”

Han squeezes Luke’s knee. “And what happened? Nothing. Because you’re you and no matter what they did you stayed true to yourself. You’re that farm boy who believed too much in the wonder of the stars and chasing down princesses and droids.”

Luke tilts his head up, looking at him through that fringe of hair, and smiles softly. “It brought me to you too. Don’t sell yourself short, Han.”

“Who says I was? I just hadn’t gotten to that part yet.”

He grins and gives him a wink. Luke laughs while a tiny piece of tension eases from his shoulders. He’s serious again as he looks at Han. A storm of indecision and conflicted feelings tumble through his eyes and Han holds his breath.

“He didn’t just want me to join him. He wanted me to stand by my father’s side.” Luke pauses. “As Vader’s son.”

“Excuse me?”

Han can’t have heard right. Vader didn’t have children. Vader had been nothing but evil. His hearing must’ve glitched out. Maybe he was finally discovering more side effects of being encased in carbonite. There was no way Luke was Vader’s son. There was no way Leia was his daughter. No kind of man would do what Vader had done to both Luke and Leia if he was their father.

It’s the way Luke’s watching him, searching for when the words truly land, and seeing when Han realizes what they truly mean that slowly make him believe. Luke’s not lying. He’s also not throwing something out there to provoke a reaction.

“You know I don’t give a damn. Luke, c’mon, after everything we’ve been through, you think knowing Vader was your dad means anything?” Han grips Luke’s arms. “You’re nothing like him. Neither you or Leia are. And you’ll never turn into him. You care too damn much to let yourself make that mistake.”

Luke’s still silent. Still watching him with wary eyes when Han should be the one afraid. Luke has a lightsaber. He has Force abilities. What does Han have? His will and his quick words. Luke could overpower him in an instant and there’d be nothing he could do.

“Don’t let me forget it,” Luke says softly, worry threaded into every syllable.

Han wraps an arm around Luke’s neck and tugs him into his chest. He feels Luke tense at first then slump into it. Is this why he’s been gone all the time? Trying to prove himself when he’s accomplished more than half the senior command could ever dream up. Is this why he’s been hedging his time with them? Letting everyone and everything else take him away from Han?

“You’re an idiot if you think you’d ever let yourself be anything else.” Han squeezes the back of his neck and leans his head against Luke’s.

* * *

_Five._

They never did have that talk he’d kept threatening Luke with. He’s still not 100% sure Luke hadn’t unloaded that secret on him that night with the sole purpose of derailing them from dealing with everything else that happened. The personal stuff anyway. That stupid piece of glowing crystal they’d found had been a Kyber crystal. Something something, hand wave lightsaber component. Han had stopped listening when Luke had started describing balancing properties and reflective indexes. The texts were taking a little longer to puzzle out.

He’s watching Luke from across the training field on their newest Alliance base, leaned against the wall of the mess hall. Green trees, blue skies, and it was just like a million other worlds, a million other homes. It was going to be a long time before the dust fully settled and they needed to train and house all the willing hands still joining up. Victory was still too raw for them to let their guards down just yet. Shoring up their defenses and their position in the galaxy was a slow beast of long range plans.

Han knows Luke knows he’s watching from the way his left shoulder inches up every now and then before Luke makes himself relax it along with the way he kicks one foot into the heel of the other in a rhythmic one-two-scuff. He starts when arms wrap around his middle and he smiles when he finds Leia curled into his side. He curls an arm around her. They stand there watching Luke together amidst his current class of pilot trainees. Even with the Force hedging his bets, Luke was one of the best pilots out there and Leia wasn’t above putting that to use.

A breeze ruffles Luke’s hair and he glances back at them as he pats it back into place. He gives them a small wave before turning back to his students. Han leans into Leia’s warmth. Something about the image makes him maudlin. It makes him finally admit to what he’s been fighting tooth and nail against.

He breathes out softly, “He’s no longer ours.”

“Was he ever truly ours, Han?”

He turns to look at her and her gaze is as sad and wistful as he feels inside.

“Just like I’ll never be truly yours.” Han starts to protest but she puts a finger against his lips. “Don’t. I’m self aware enough to take stock of my life, our life, and know that the Resistance, the Alliance, and rebuilding will always own half my soul just as you and Luke own the other half. Maybe one day it’ll be less tipped toward the greater good and I can indulge in the more personal. So I’m telling you, make sure he knows he’s loved. Make sure you tell him. Make sure you show him. Make sure you remind him that there’s us waiting for him on the other side of the latest Jedi mystery.”

Her eyes tell Han she knows. Her smile tells Han she doesn’t mind. This whole conversation right now is her encouraging it.

“Leia, I’m not that kind of guy. If you—”

She covers his mouth with her hand this time and shakes her head.

“What happens behind closed doors is only our business. He needs you as much as you need him and as much as I need you both. I can’t fill all the empty spaces in your life, Han. I think you know this as well as I do.”

Han searches her gaze. He’s not sure he’s on board with this. He’s always devoted himself to one thing and committed himself wholly. There was no half ways. No middle ground because all or nothing was the only time things worked.

“Think about it.” She leans up to kiss his cheek. “You worry about him almost more than you worry about me. At least with you, I know he’ll be taken care of.”

He grunts at her and hugs her tighter. Still a little confused and still ignoring the way his heart’s pounding. That’s just a reaction to her being right here next to him. They haven’t had a moment to themselves since the Falcon touched down on this planet over two months ago. Always one thing or another pulling them in different directions. Luke had been out of sight more than either of them had liked.

“Not sure what you’re talking about, princess.”

She smiles at him again and tucks her head against his chest. But there’s sadness lurking in the depths of her eyes. A strange sort of wistfulness in the press of her warmth into his side. He rubs her arm as they watch Luke hop to his feet and lead his trainees into the woods, away from them.

“Don’t let things go for too long, Han. The universe has already given us more second chances than we probably deserve.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll get to it. Just relax for once and stop laying plans, would you.”

She laughs and burrows into him more. Han’ll get to doing whatever she’s saying as soon as he figures out what she’s even telling him to do.


End file.
